Until Now.
I was told during my 6 week postpartum checkup that because my C-Section was an extreme emergency that I may or may not be able to deliver another child. ..... Yes, I was told this at the ripe age of 22 years old. My scar on the outside is the typical bikini cut but what matters is the incision on the inside. So I've been told.
My whole focus has been Everett. So at the time, yes this news was pretty horrific but I had to force myself to put it on the back burner. Lets face it, I was in no condition of pulling a Tori Spelling and get pregnant a month after a C-Section.
Now that Everett is home and doing completely fine and life couldn't be any better, it's been on my mind every single minute of every single day. I do want more kids. I'm 22 years old. I've always wanted a big family. Jared and I don't have our parents in our lives and we don't have friends or family in Tennessee. It's me, him, our pets, and our chubby miracle child Everett. A big family and a house full of laughter is important to us. when you are told you may not have that - your world takes a shift. It suddenly changes, and you feel unbalanced and well, feel completely like shit.
Everett's been home for 4 months almost. And I've yet to make an appointment with the OB that delivered him. I have unanswered questions. I want to know from the moment I was put to sleep, what happened? and why did shit happen like it did. I want answers from her. I want to know if my scar changes the fact that children may not be in the future, and if not, if it limits how many children I can have. If children are possible, how soon? - My OB was a pretty cool lady. She allowed me to make all my birthing choices and she fought hard to allow me to have my vaginal birth, delayed cord clamping, skin to skin, etc...when things didn't go that way, she told me she was sorry. When I was recovering, she kept checking on me even though I was passed out every single time. I never got to say goodbye to her. And also say thank you for delivering my son before it was too late.
Anyway, I took what little courage I had and made the appointment for January 18th 2014. I was then told my insurance expired December 30th 2013. I had to cancel my appointment. My questions I thought would be answered would be left unanswered for a while longer. Until, today I got an insurance card in the mail saying it was activated January 16th 2014.
So, I was confused and ended up calling them up and told them I need to know for sure if I have insurance or not. And I guess I do! I have no idea what happened but I have insurance for sure now so now I need to make an appointment AGAIN to await my future. This is serious shit.
I want to have another baby once the OB tells us the safe amount of time to wait. I'd like to have two kids close in age and watch them grow together. I've been through so much with Everett that anything now seems like a breeze. He is truly such an easy baby to care for. I always say I could have 5 of him if I could. His therapists, doctors, and pharmacists may stress me out, but Everett never has. He's my love, my life, my everything. And he gives me baby fever like mad.
So this rambling message is me nervous about what my OB is going to say. I'd prefer to not wait 3 years to try to conceive(took 7 months to conceive Everett) should I be allowed to at all. I'd like to show her Everett as well since she only met and visited him at deaths door. May be twisted, but I get excited showing off Everett to people that only knew him looking like this:
which now he's this:
So, will I find peace in Everett's birth? Probably not.
Will I give Everett siblings? Praying I am able.
With life's twists and turns, I've become a strong person. I don't fear as much as I use too. I just take life as it come to me and deal with it. So, 2014 will an interesting year!
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