Insurance Crisis and More Babies?

I've had insurance ever since Everett was conceived. It's been the same throughout the whole pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum. I've had no issues, No Problems with it.
Until Now.
I was told during my 6 week postpartum checkup that because my C-Section was an extreme emergency that I may or may not be able to deliver another child.  .....   Yes, I was told this at the ripe age of 22 years old. My scar on the outside is the typical bikini cut but what matters is the incision on the inside. So I've been told.

My whole focus has been Everett. So at the time, yes this news was pretty horrific but I had to force myself to put it on the back burner. Lets face it, I was in no condition of pulling a Tori Spelling and get pregnant a month after a C-Section.

Now that Everett is home and doing completely fine and life couldn't be any better, it's been on my mind every single minute of every single day. I do want more kids. I'm 22 years old. I've always wanted a big family. Jared and I don't have our parents in our lives and we don't have friends or family in Tennessee. It's me, him, our pets, and our chubby miracle child Everett. A big family and a house full of laughter is important to us. when you are told you may not have that - your world takes a shift. It suddenly changes, and you feel unbalanced and well, feel completely like shit.

Everett's been home for 4 months almost. And I've yet to make an appointment with the OB that delivered him. I have unanswered questions. I want to know from the moment I was put to sleep, what happened? and why did shit happen like it did. I want answers from her. I want to know if my scar changes the fact that children may not be in the future, and if not, if it limits how many children I can have. If children are possible, how soon? - My OB was a pretty cool lady. She allowed me to make all my birthing choices and she fought hard to allow me to have my vaginal birth, delayed cord clamping, skin to skin, etc...when things didn't go that way, she told me she was sorry. When I was recovering, she kept checking on me even though I was passed out every single time. I never got to say goodbye to her. And also say thank you for delivering my son before it was too late.

Anyway, I took what little courage I had and made the appointment for January 18th 2014. I was then told my insurance expired December 30th 2013. I had to cancel my appointment. My questions I thought would be answered would be left unanswered for a while longer. Until, today I got an insurance card in the mail saying it was activated January 16th 2014.

So, I was confused and ended up calling them up and told them I need to know for sure if I have insurance or not. And I guess I do! I have no idea what happened but I have insurance for sure now so now I need to make an appointment AGAIN to await my future. This is serious shit.

I want to have another baby once the OB tells us the safe amount of time to wait. I'd like to have two kids close in age and watch them grow together. I've been through so much with Everett that anything now seems like a breeze. He is truly such an easy baby to care for. I always say I could have 5 of him if I could. His therapists, doctors, and pharmacists may stress me out, but Everett never has. He's my love, my life, my everything. And he gives me baby fever like mad.

So this rambling message is me nervous about what my OB is going to say. I'd prefer to not wait 3 years to try to conceive(took 7 months to conceive Everett) should I be allowed to at all. I'd like to show her Everett as well since she only met and visited him at deaths door. May be twisted, but I get excited showing off Everett to people that only knew him looking like this:

which now he's this:

So, will I find peace in Everett's birth? Probably not. 

Will I give Everett siblings? Praying I am able. 

With life's twists and turns, I've become a strong person. I don't fear as much as I use too. I just take life as it come to me and deal with it. So, 2014 will an interesting year! 

Everett's First Snow Day

It's snowed before but I didn't feel comfortable taking Everett out in such cold weather. Because of his birth trauma, he has issues regulating his own temperature. His normal is in the 96 range. (Back in the NICU, his nurses would strip in down naked to lower his temp or bundle him up to warm him back) So anyway, January 29th the snow was melting and thought I'd bundle him up and take him outside more for photos and memories sake:

Not that happy.

Our backyard

 I love this photo. He got so excited seeing the snow in his mitten and started eating it. HAHA!

I have no idea what they were looking at but I love this photo!

The day before I brought my camera out and took some photos of the dogs as well. They had a blast!:

This is Daisy! She turned 4 years old this month!

Everett is so not amused! I'm a California girl that grew up on the beach so seeing snow fall from the sky is such a rarity for me. I loved it!

This is Bluebelle, she last about 5 minutes in the snow. Then she begged to go inside. 

Rocky get's overly excited. He's neutered as well as every single dog we own..he still humps them all. LOL

And eating the snow.

************************************

Tennessee get's a few inches of snow and everyone freaks out. Schools close, cars are wrecked and abandoned, grocery stores are emptied, and my husband doesn't get to work. (He's a truck driver) So the money doesn't come in when we doesn't work. But, we had fun and watched movies and just hung out as a family. Even Everett's therapists had to cancel coming to the house. The snow has for the most part melted but it's still cold as heck.

I'm re-thinking planning a winter birth for the next bundle of joy in the future. lol. 

On being a mom to Everett -

Can I just give everyone that gave me so much unsolicited advice when I was pregnant a big fuck you? No, seriously. It bothered me then and it bothers me more so now because it seemed that everyone was trying to tell me my life was going to be over and tried to scare me into motherhood. It's sad that woman cannot shut their mouths OR support a mom-to-be in her choices..even if they are a bit odd. Get ready to be offended. Sorry Not Sorry. I need to rant. And here's what I mean:


Cloth Diapering:

You know how many people told be it would last a week and I'd be over it? Or it's "too hard?"
Let me tell you, this has been so much fun. I'm loving all the different designs and colors. I'm loving that I'm not putting all those horrible chemicals straight up on my kids genitals. I'm loving to never have to go to the store all the damn time to buy diapers. I'm loving that I don't have bags of shitty diapers waiting for the trash man. I'm loving that I'm not contributing to the piling of trash in dumps.. which by the way since disposables have been invented, not a single one has been decomposed. That's sad and sick to me. I cannot and will not be a part of it. Best part? Every three days, I throw the diapers in the washing machine and I have them all over again! They last from birth to potty training AND if you care for the diapers properly, you get to use them for more kids. Talk about a one time fee. I also use cloth wipes. It's been great for our family. This is something we stuck too and we absolutely love.

Funny thing, my husband and I had to buy a pack of disposables for the few days we moved because well, our washer and dryer was in transient so we bought Huggies Naturals..and you know what the directions said? To throw the poop in the toilet before throwing the diaper away. Funny how families who use disposables say that cloth is gross when in my eyes, looks like more work! Read on your diapers folks. True story.

Baby Wearing:

You know how many people also told me I'd get over that quick because it's easier to haul the cars eat around? And a stroller is more comfortable?

Our Maya Ring Sling

Our SSC Boba

I don't need a stroller to be my babysitter. I sure as hell don't want my kid on his laying on his head 24/7. He was on his back 24/7 in the NICU. No reason to make him do that more. Everett is 20lbs and 5 months. He's never seen nor sat in a stroller once. I cannot imagine hauling a huge ass stroller all over the damn place and maneuvering it in and out of isles and crowded areas. Transitioning him from the carseat to the carrier takes two minutes tops and sometimes he stays asleep, other times he's just content looking at everything. He's so sweet, quiet, and calm being so close to moma. I see moms struggling for thirty minutes at their car in the rain in a parking lot...trying to put everything in the stroller and a screaming child. I have yet to experience that. Baby wearing for the win. Babies are meant to be close to a parents warmth. Fuck you to the people that told be to distant my child from myself would be more convenient.

Parenthood isn't about convenience. It's not about doing what's easiest. It's about doing what's right for MY child. And at 5 months old, he needs his mom. 

Co-Sleeping

We are co-sleeping and bed sharing

What some people refuse to understand is their is a difference of both. Co-Sleeping is sharing the same room or area to sleep. We have a co-sleeper which is like a mini crib that scoots right up against the adult bed. Bed sharing is, well, sharing one bed. With all of Everetts medical issues, I wanted him extra close to me. Sometime he sleeps in his co sleeper, other times he's in bed with us. I practice safe bed sharing. We don't drink, smoke, or take any prescription drugs. Everett is NEVER in the middle of my husband and I. A mother has a natural sense to not roll over a child versus a father doesn't. That doesn't mean every man is going to roll on their baby. But a mom usually wakes up over every move a child does, every noise, every off breathing pattern. I sleep in the middle and Everett goes on my side. Once he starts the rolling then a bed rail will be going up on our side of the bed. I'm very intune with my son which honestly, surprised me. I wake up naturally whenever he needs his medication at 1am and 9am. I wake up as soon as I notice his breathing is off, and last week I woke up moments before he starting projectile vomiting and choking on it. If he was alone in a crib, I don't want to think what could have happened. 

This was us Christmas day. Exhausted. We were NOT sleeping here but I have no co-sleeping/bed sharing photos. So there!

How about over all Baby Led Parenting?

Infants clearly cannot care for themselves. Someone has to do that. And as my husband is the bread winner in this house, I care for Everett. We didn't have a child to fit into our current lives and train to do what we tell him to do and when. We don't force him to sleep at certain times or eat only at certain times. He sleeps when he wants and he get's fed when he's hungry. We pick him up when he wants to be held, and we don't put him down till he feels secure. We don't train Everett like a dog. Infants need their needs met. They cry because they need something, not to manipulate(that may come later)

I see mothers complain about how horrible their babies cry and never sleep. I don't experience that. I wrote the other day on facebook that I went to lay Everett down for a nap. We laid down in my bed nose to nose and skin to skin, and you know what happened? He fell asleep. No fuss, No crying, No fighting. Just another sweet moment with my baby. I read his q's and took him to lay down like I do daily and I never had to fight him for a nap. Asleep in 30 seconds. 

I have such a happy and peaceful baby and I truly believe it's because I give him my heart and complete attention. I do this while keeping a house neat and tidy and caring for quite a few boisterous pets, two that are seniors and need extra attention. I cook daily too and I even manage to shower. 

What may have worked for you doesn't mean it's a must for other moms. How dare you shame another mom for her intention on caring for her future newborn. I stuck with everything I wanted to do before Everett James was born. 

Suck It.

End of Rant.

I promise that future posts won't all be like this but I had to get it out. 

And by no means do I claim to be this perfect crunchy mother.

My husband loves his diesel trucks, we don't have an organic garden, and if we want a soda or fast food here and there, we eat that shit up. We do however strive to give our son the best possible life that includes love and peace. Things I never had as a child. 

Where have we been?

Where have we been? Life has been crazy the last few months. Absolutely crazy. Re-cap perhaps?

September 25th 2013 - Everett has surgery to get a G-Tube. His oral aversions didn't improve in the NICU so this was a must to be released. I did not want him to get this done. I fought with myself over this nightly. But a long story short, he got it done.

Everett being wheeled off to surgery

Saying goodbye to our son before his surgery. Yea, I broke down in my husbands arms after this. 

Even more sad, our first family photo is sitting in the NICU holding my son fresh out of a painful surgery.

And this is what it looks like. It's called a Mic-Key button. This is how he get's fed. Looks scary, but it's easy to use. I still am a freakin mess daily praying that he doesn't pull it out or getting caught on clothes..I don't let anyone hold him for this reason. Sorry folks. 

******

On October 7th, Everett James Prenovost was discharged from the NICU and going home.

3 days away from 2 months old and going home!

My husband hauling all Everett's stuff to the car!

And his first time outside and in a car. All very exciting. 

Never want to see that place again. Positive steps forward only.

So here we were having this "special needs baby" that's oh so fragile... and we're home. Now what?

We had no idea what to expect except for what the doctors told us. That we were going to have a disabled child full of problems.

Want to hear about a miracle? Read on.  

We celebrated Everett's life every single day. 

Yea, the whole baby in a pumpkin photo didn't work for us...

We celebrated Halloween with the amazing news that Everett didn't need surgery to flush out his kidneys after all. We were told he had a blockage in the left kidney but it was so minimal that nothing needed to be done. We were SO relieved. 

We bought a 5bed/3bath house. Over 3000sq. 

It shall be over run with Everett's toys and we couldn't be happier.

first holiday in the new house.

We celebrated Thanksgiving HUGE this year. 5 days prior, Everett had a repeat EEG and cranial ultrasound to see if the damage has improved or worsened. 

You see, the last EEG showed his brain waves showed no difference in his sleep verses him awake. It was heartbreaking to know your child suffers brain damage from a traumatic birth.

However, this recent EEG showed, well, nothing. It was completely normal. They COULDN'T find any abnormalities. At all. All brain wave function showed him awake and falling asleep.

You know what else? The cranial ultrasound could NOT find the hematoma near the brain or any signs of bleeding like he used to have. 

We got all this news days before Thanksgiving and we couldn't be more thankful. 

So, my mentally disabled child magically healed? No brain damage? What about this special needs childs I was all prepped to care for forever?

Minor setback:

His G-Tube popped out and we headed to the E.R, in full panic mode. You see, his stoma can close within minutes and that would mean MORE surgery to open it back up. We got their in time but it started closing and they had to re-stretch it. Can you imagine the pain Everett was in? Yea... he made himself turn blue a few times. I cried along with him as he being a 4 month old was screaming "mamamamamama!" and I couldn't do a damn thing. 

Okay, so when you have such a huge scare like Everett did, and get discharged from the NICU, you have hundreds of appointments to follow up with. I'm not exaggerating. Like at least 3 a week all of which are pretty far for us to drive back and forth and it's money to park EACH time you go... This is Everett at his nephrologist...kidney doctor. Everett has stage one kidney disease. Not drugs, alcohol, tylenol, pedialyte.. nothing for this kiddo....but he's on two medications keeping his kidneys going strong and he's responding well. Considering his  kidneys took the worse hit, baby is doing amazing. Let's just say I'll make damn sure he'll be that kid sipping water at his high school parties. No alcohol ever. 

Everett's monthly bill. And that's not even the weekly charge to have his apnea monitor and feeding pump. Thank you Jesus for insurance! 

As Everett continues to see his Occupational, Physical, and Speech each once a week, he's continued to be developmentally where he should be. Something we were told wasn't going to happen. My house is madness with people coming in and out weekly. He also see's Early Interventions. 

Christmas happened.

He was 4 months old on Christmas 2013. Got spoiled rotten. 

It was a peaceful(as it can be with a teething baby) Christmas with just my husband, myself, our pets, and the star of it all, Everett. 

As every doctor appointment gave us the best news we could get, Everett continued to make huge strides.

Now that his head trauma healed itself, he blood is clotting, his blood pressure is controlled, his kidneys are responding well to medicine, and he's continuing to keep in the normal range of development..the ONE thing we need to working on is weaning him off the G-tube. Once he doesn't use his tube for three straight months, it get's taken out for good! 

So Everett had a swallow study done which showed if he still is silently aspirating his liquids. This one made us SO nervous because until he passes this, he can't start to oral feed. 

But guess what? As usual Everett proved everyone wrong. He passed both thin AND thick liquids.

We got to start the journey of showing Everett what a bottle is.

Working with his speech therapist. His first bottle of breastmilk. He loved it. 

So he's been taking half an ounce to an ounce orally which is amazing for a baby to do that's never had an oral feeding till almost 5 months old. The rest of his feeding (4 1/2 ounces every 4 hours) is fed via the tube. 

So out of 4 1/2 ounces, he takes about an ounce give or take every 4 hours. Pretty good. 

New Years happened.

You know what's funny? Even with all the bullshit and medical issues my son has, he's the easiest baby ever to care for. The worlds sweetest and most gentle baby. He sleeps 10+ hours nightly, only fusses when he needs something, and so content just being wherever he is at the moment. He makes parenthood a breeze for us. He loves the bath, and he loves his carseat. While I am still grieving the fact that I cannot breastfeed him(bottle is easier for G-Tube babies)We still have such a strong and undeniable bond. We co-sleep and babywear daily. He's always with me. He goes everywhere we go. And we prefer it that way. My husband and I always joke that his next sibling will totally be the colic, screaming, up every two hours kind of baby. Everett is just not that. As I type the out sitting on the floor, Everett is in front of me playing with toys gabbering to myself and the dogs. 

On January 8th 2014

He was officially apnea free and we got released from the monitor. No more wires at night!

This is us.

Everett talks like a 9 month old (according to his therapist, he's the earliest talker she's ever seen), he can sit up, laugh like crazy, roll to his side and back, scoots on his back to go somewhere, loves his dogs but more so Rocky...

Loves nap time on moma.

and Rocky. 

So currently, we are trying to teach him to roll over but with his G-Tube - it's sensitive and he's showing signs of not wanting to ever put pressure on it. So he may start getting behind in that area, but understandably so. 

And we are battling eczema... like bad. 

But if that's the worse we are dealing with then I'll freakin take it.

The cliff notes to all this: Listen to what the doctors tell you. But NEVER EVER lose sleep over it. Because I was told I was going to have a severely mentally handicapped child, I was told he's never be normal(what the fuck is normal anyway?)I was told he may never have feeling in areas of his body, I was told he was dieing and there wasn't anything we could do. I was told indirectly to not hold by breath with his recovery. 

5 months old. 18-20lbs. 25 inches long. Big, Healthy, and Beautiful. 

My miracle. Overcoming all odds and never letting it get him down. He's a fighter and truly my miracle baby. (At Walmart, where else?)

Okay so now that I've re-capped most of everything that's happened, I just want to get into blogging again. Life is settling down, not so many appointments, Everett is healthy as a horse and so amazing, and well.. I want to document his life, our life! Not sure if it's going to be daily or weekly but it'll get done. 

- Carly <3