My love for my Husband

Just like to take a little bit of time to say how thankful I am for my husband. 

The more I read about controversial subjects when It comes to parenting, the more I feel so damn lucky to have a husband that whole heartily agrees on my views and opinions on parenting. 

Anti-circumcision (or any superficial alteration that serves no medical benefit like baby piercing), Breast feeding, attachment parenting, co sleeping, anti-spanking, hitting/swatting, selective and delayed vaccinations, cloth diapering, natural laboring and birthing, and just raising our children to be strong and compassionate people without the use of anger, violence, or overly use of modern medical interference. Being that my husband makes snarky remarks about "dirty hippies"  I'm pleasantly surprised that he wants to be a peaceful father that coincides on how I want to be a mother. We want to love, we want to teach, we want to raise grateful and loving children. 

I'm slightly bothered on the outdated belief that a lot of parents have on child bearing. 

The statement, "Not hitting your kids will make them into ungrateful brats with no manners" - truly bothers me. I was hit, smacked, and whipped with a belt. A lot. and left to cry alone with no redirection.  And I am in no way trying to throw my parents under the bus BUT this method of "discipline" did not work at all on me. It made me resent my parents very much. And the older I got, the physical punishments turned to verbal abuse and severe resentment. And it created hatred and violence at time. That swung both ways some nights.  To this day, I've never hugged my parents since I was maybe 10 years old. Very rarely do I say I love you to either of them.. I lost that feeling that should be so strong between a child and parent.

The violence I was raised in taught me to be violent as a way to express myself in anger. I don't ever want to have my children  lose themselves in violence. I want to break that cycle and teach my children that words are very powerful. Getting down eye level to a child and talking them through a moment of frustration is so much better than raising your hand, a stick or whip to a child. 

In my opinion of course. 

My lesson for the rest of my life is to learn on my own how to be a wife and mother. And It's fucking hard to be your own guide in life. I never had a proper family to guide me for that. I sure as be damned if I continue the cycle of abuse. My father was abused beyond imagination as a child, and he then couldn't grasp or understand to end it himself. It's now my absolute responsibility to create a childhood for all my future children that I so desperately deserved myself. 

With that said, I grew up as a very strong person but for the wrong reasons. I am strong because that was my defense mechanism to keep everyone at bay. I have always been a very defensive person because I feared being weak, being vulnerable. 

I want my children to be strong because they exist. Because they have opinions. Because they will know they have a strong family to lean back on.
Because they will know words are so powerful beyond any and all. 

My husband is the solar opposite of my family. He's calm and almost blissful 100% of his awaking days. I believe he will be a great father. A father that I yearned for. His patience is beyond anything I have ever seen. It extends my own patience a lot of the time. 

By not taking out anger on a child, will never make a child a brat. It will make a child learn to respect you. I was a brat because I rebelled against my home life. I felt no love, no peace. You don't put violence on a child and expect not to teach it to them. You teach a child the correct behavior and you communicate. You teach, they learn. You don't whip or smack a little being that relies on you for guidance, trust, nourishment, and love. A child whole heartily sees you as their world. It's your job to create that unbreakable bond without instilling fear or teaching violence is the way to get answers. It shouldn't be a dictatorship.

This is just my opinion in my nook of this huge world on physical/verbal punishment verses positive discipline. 

My husband is so damn amazing sometimes. He allows me to be a free little bird. He let's me gather my own opinions so I can make our little nest. The bits and pieces are for us to choose from and from that, we make our nest a home... for our family.

- Carly.