Everett James Prenovost
Born on August 10th 2013 at 12:13am. 8lbs 10oz. 20 inches long at 41 weeks and 5 days.
Before his birth day, my expectations were to deliver all natural via water birth with my midwives at a birth center. I didn't want to force my son into this world in an unnatural and stressful way. I didn't want to be forced into labor if he wasn't ready to come earthbound. I did not want drugs pumped into my body that would make me completely out of control in regard to my own body. I took birth prep classes. I read every book. I was ready. My expectations were to go into labor naturally before 42 weeks, labor most at home, drive to the birth center, and birth my son vaginally in a natural and peaceful setting inside a birth tub. I wanted to deliver my own son, bring him up to my chest, and greet him before any nurse or doctor could. I wanted my skin to skin and my bonding time with my baby. I wanted my husband to cut the cord and greet his son soon after. I wanted to establish breastfeeding right away connect with my son. My expectation was to go home soon after and start living my life as a family of three.
This was a dream. Not my reality.
I never went into labor naturally. Never had a single natural contraction. Water never naturally broke. My cervix never thinned nor did I dilate naturally on my own. My son loved being in utero. We did a stress test on August 7th and he was content as a button. My fluid looks great and baby was just fine. I was nervous because at my birth center, they don't allow women to go over 42 weeks. Patients like myself would have to be transferred to a classic hospital with an OB and get artificially induced into labor. My midwives swept my membranes and put in a foley bulb which is basically a balloon that is inserted into your cervix to start dilation. I was taking Evening Primose Oil capsules which is supposed to help thin out my cervix and I bounced everyday on a yoga ball to get things going. Nothing worked.
I booked an induction on the 9th. I got my I.V. inserted(after the sixth poke) and was started on pitocin which starts contractions and another foley bulb was inserted. After a few hours it fell out meaning I was dilated to a three. Over the next 24 hours I had the epidural to relax and try to sleep. The issue I had with the epidural was that it never worked all over my body. One leg and the other side of my body never went numb. I still felt every contraction. The pitocin was obnoxiously giving me contractions on top of one another never giving me break from the pain so a nurse that monitored me constantly was coming in and out adjusting the dosage. Apparently that happens every once in awhile with some women. My epidural monitor would beep every three minutes because the battery would die so the anesthesiologist would get paged to come in a fix it but he never changed the battery so it would constantly beep and stop working. - I was getting very irritated. I just wanted the meds to work and I wanted to rest. I got a urine catheter put in since I couldn't feel the urge to pee. At four centimeters, my waters was artificially broken and there was light meconuim in my fluids. I was then told I wouldn't be able to have immediate skin to skin nor could I have delayed cord clamping. The baby would be rushed to the warmer and suctioned in case he swallowed any meconuim. I was still however confident everything would be okay since the OB and nurses all were confident themselves.On the 25th hour of labor, my sons heart rate dropped and quite a few people rushed into my room(I was sleeping so I was caught off guard)and they immediately rolled me over to my side and tried to pick his heart rate back up. They mentioned that baby needs to come out and at this point Jared was gone at home feeding our animals. My sister was there for my support system and told him to get to the hospital now. They checked my cervix and I was dilated to a 9 with one bit of cervical lip left. I was SO close. Jared made it to the hospital and so we all waited a few more hours. A nurse came in and had me practice a few pushes and check me. I was still 9 centimeters and now both my cervical lips were there and swelling. My labor stalled.
And this is where the domino effect started.
I wasn't just feeling pressure like the nurses told me I should feel "down there". I was feeling pain. True pain. Pain in that I was having trouble breathing through. I was shaking and I couldn't even talk or open my eyes. When I'm silent, you know something is wrong. I started vomiting uncontrollably. My doctor said it would be best to consider a C-Section. I allowed all my expectations and dreams of a beautiful birth to fly out the window. At this point and in that moment I just wanted my son in my arms. I was prepped. They shaved me, scrubbed me, and Jared got his scrubs on. My sister wasn't allowed to attend since she was under the age of 18. I was wheeled into a bright white room. Too be honest, I didn't realize what was going on. I remember being transferred to another bed, I remember more and more people rushing in with their "work faces" on. I had two male anesthesiologist over my head poking different parts of my body making sure I was numb. I wasn't. I felt every poke. I feel people jabbing my arms with more I.V's and at that very moment I hear women's voices frantic they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. "Fuck, I cannot find his heartbeat!" was the last thing I remember someone yelling. I was told to take a deep breath in a mask and I was gone. I was put under because my C-Section turned into an emergency very fast and no one had time to re-do my epidural in my back since my sons heartbeat stopped in utero.
From what my husband tells me he remembers a whole bunch of different people in different colored scrubs running into my room. Someone was supposed to get him in 3 minutes so he can be in there with me. 30 minutes passed and he was still waiting. I guess he knew something went wrong. He heard a baby cry but it was someone elses because at 12:13am Everett James Prenovost was born not breathing. He aspirated all of his meconuim at some point when I was getting wheeled for the C-Section. He was without oxygen for 6 minutes. His APGAR score was a 0. And in six minutes went to a 1 which means they were able to find a heartbeat. They suctioned and pumped his stomach to get out as much meconuim as they could and he was rushed to the NICU and put on life support.
I've never been put under anesthesia before. I didn't have time to register what was going on or be scared to be put under. It happened so fast. You lose all sense of time. One second your eyes are closing and it's like you're in a black darkness and the next second you have people rubbing you asking you questions to wake you up. I remember trying so hard to talk and open my eyes. It took a while. I started shaking uncontrollably from the anesthesia. I had cotton mouth really bad. I asked about my son and someone told me he had trouble breathing and he's getting worked on in intensive care. Still, at this point I figured everything was okay. It never occurred to me that I'd have a baby that was in failure. My thought was - I'm young, healthy, don't smoke, or drink. I have strong genetics and my children will be the same. It just never was in my mind that he wouldn't be okay. Jared came in sometime after...my memory is foggy about what occurred hours after this because I was so doped up on pain medication. I do remember Jared coming in with tears in his eyes saying Everett was not doing well and he's in really bad shape. Believe it or not, I still believed that Jared was just exaggerating. I mean, I had a completely beautiful, fun, and healthy, and super easy pregnancy. There was no way my baby would be sick in my mind. My sister was able to come in and both Jared and Kayla just sat by my side in silence. My support team. They both did an amazing job keeping their shit together. I'm not sure how I would have taken it if they were more emotional.
At some point I was wheeled into a recovery room and I don't remember that or what went on after that.
I couldn't tell you when I was able to see my son. I'm guessing it was a good 24 hours. Let me tell you, a C-Section has been an absolute nightmare to recover from. I'll never forget what it's like to get up from the bed and into a wheelchair. It's the kind of pain that you can't even bring up tears. But I made it to a wheelchair still blood all over me and in my gown. Jared and I got to see our son for the first time like this:
He was pumped with so much fluid he went up to 11 lbs 6 oz at one point. His eyes were swollen shut. Because of the lack of oxygen for so long at birth his body took a huge hit and was shutting down. His kidney's were in failure and didn't urinate for a week. When he did, it was barely 10cc's and it had a lot of blood in it. His kidney's wouldn't filter correctly, his blood wouldn't clot, platelets were off, bleeding in the brain, left lung was filled with fluid, he was seizing, blood pressure was off, couldn't breath on his own..It was madness. Our first touch was me using a single finger touching his leg. That's all I was able to do.
This at one point were all his monitors keeping him alive. As naturalistic as I like to think I am, I am beyond grateful for modern technology. The photo above was taken on August. 14th. 2013.
Our only bonding we were able to share with our son was this. Simple finger holding. We couldn't console him when he was sad, scared, or angry. He had to console himself as a newborn. That, as a mother and as someone who doesn't believe in letting newborns cry it out, was simply heartbreaking. Very hard to walk away from your own child crying, scared, and alone. He has no idea what's being done to him and why it's being done. It was very hard,.
I was told his kidney's are failing. And if they fail, he dies. No other option was given to my son. It was he thrives or dies. Everett chose to thrive. His kidneys started to work and filter. He's been filling up diapers with full urine and no blood. They healed as much as they could. One kidney is enlarged but being treated with medication.
His blood is clotting. He no longer needs donor plasma. His seizures are being controlled with medication and no seizures since. His blood pressure is being controlled with medication and his doing just fine. He's breathing all on his own with no artificial help which is HUGE for him. His swelling in his brain in down. He was able to lose the weight the fluid gave him through urinating it out.
After almost two weeks, Everett had most of his I.V.'s and PICC line gone and we were able to hold our son for the first time.
I think that was one of those moments where silence was needed and we were able to just breath in and stare at what we created and bond. I know all parents say their children are the cutest and we are no different. We fell in love so deeply when we were able to hold and cradle and even smell our baby. I waited almost two weeks to hold him. I can't explain how hard that was. To go home empty handed with an empty car seat and walk by an empty nursery every single day. You almost mourn a loss when your baby has to stay behind. It's an unsettling feeling.
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Everett was supposed to die. As harsh as that sounds and hard to even type that, all doctors had doubts and even one doctor hinted that I should say my goodbyes and give him all love "while I can". Jared and I are not religious but we know we have a true miracle on our hands. We had family and friends pray for him all around the world. We had family and friends have their churches all pray in all different religions. It was powerful to see everyone come together because of my son. His life means something.
Everett still has a feeding tube inserted up his nose and into his stomach. He still needs to learn to suck and swallow. Part of it is that he was so out of it the first two weeks of his life, he never developed that instinct and part of it is brain damage. So currently, Everett is getting therapy to stimulate his brain to teach him to suck and swallow so he can take a bottle and eventually the breast. He had a swallow test on September 3rd and swallowed 11 times and choked on the 12th swallow and aspirated it into his lungs. So he didn't pass the test, but didn't fail either. He get's re-tested in two weeks from that date to try a bottle again. In the meantime he's getting therapy to help get him to one day soon take a bottle. That's the only thing keeping him in NICU. Once he handles a bottle successful without aspirating, he comes home. Everything else can be handled by me and done in outpatient care.
My son has brain damage. To what extent? No one knows. Doctors can't even tell us. It could be a mental, learning, or physical disability or a combination or barely any at all. We won't know till we are there. When he's at the age of hitting milestones such as holding his head on his own, sitting up, crawling, walking, talking, school... that's when we will know a lot. For now, it's an unnerving unknown. I'm not scared to have a child with a disability. I'm scared for the worlds reaction. We can teach our son only so much on how to be strong and not let words hurt but the reality is, words do hurt sometimes. Kids these days get made fun over not having the newest iphone or latest trend in clothes. So we will take one step at a time with him. Because as I've learned, plans and expectations sometimes don't exist.
My son, Our son, is our life. Our happiness. Our everything. He's a miracle, a blessing, a survivor.
